Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Feeling Overwhelmed By Negativity

I'm not sure where this post is going, or how to begin in the first place. It's partly formed inside of my head, but mostly it's just a big ball of emotion that I am untangling as I move along. I think blogging might help me to untangle it more, thus freeing me up to be able to feel unhindered, because right now I do feel hindered, and weighed down a little bit.

There is this thing that seems to drive a lot of human behavior. I don't know what it is called, or even if it has a name. It seems to be a sort of cohesion within groups that moves people together united in a common goal.  I don't understand it. I don't like to be involved in it. I feel completely overwhelmed when people around me are engaging in it. This is not just as autistic thing, because I have seen autistics engage in this form of socializing as well.

I can try to describe what I mean with examples.

Usually, this phenomenon begins with an accusation of outrage. Someone has done or said something that is upsetting to someone else. They then claim outrage. They take this outrage to friends, who also claim outrage and now the drama is on.  They are united in a common cause against this insult, this injustice, this miscarriage of humanity. They want the perpetrator of the insult to recant, to retract, to absolve their words and the harm they have inflicted with their words, or actions. They form a mob that will not let up until their attention gets turned somewhere else.

There is also the lesser form of the same behavior. Where there is something said (I'm going to use autism here, because that is the community that I am involved in, but I think this sort of thing isn't limited to the ASD community) in a book, or a news article about autism and the community goes wild with accusations of 'stereotyping' and 'prejudice' because what was said does not fit the definition for their own autism, or their child's. No matter, that the spectrum is broad and that it may fit others, usually quite a lot more severe than themselves.  It's as if no one is allowed to have an opinion, or use descriptive terms about ASD unless it is all inclusive of the whole spectrum, even those with Asperger's. I find that to be an impossibility most of the time.  The spectrum is wide and varied.  I also know that those same people will likely have all kinds of negative things to say about the way I used 'severe' to describe autism, because anymore there seems to be no way to describe anything within the autism community without being judged as this or that, or as being pushing stereotypes. I was on board the autistic's rights movement, until it derailed into this mess of no one being allowed to even speak for fear of being a target of voracious arguments.

When I am in the midst of this much negativity and complaints I soak it up like a sponge. No matter how much I try not to, I still do.  I feel heavy, and emotional. I get so weighed down in the negativity that I can't function all that well. I don't like this feeling. I'd rather be building up what I think is right, rather than finding what I feel is wrong and making it my mission to out this wrong.  For someone who has a history of depression my brain can only handle so much, before I start to feel down and out by it all.

Like, last winter my husband was not as busy with work as he usually is. The brought with it financial woes, but also time on his hands. He chose to watch the news with quite a bit of this extra time. So, here is someone who is already sensitive to negativity due to life circumstances watching 24 hour news networks where there is always something bad happening.  He started to become even more depressed and outraged the more bad stuff he saw. Everyday, there is no shortage of injustices for the media to report, and they make it a point to keep us upset and fearful, so that the drama and suspense keeps us coming back for more.  I finally had to tell him to shut it off and find something else to do with his time. He was getting too wrapped up in the drama and it was not doing him, our family or the world any good to dwell on all that negativity.

I am starting to feel that way with my autism newsfeeds. I am beginning to feel overwhelmed with all the negativity from all the bad things that can, do, or might happen. The drama that is always present, because there is always someone in the media somewhere that said something that was un-pc about autism. It's not that I think it's okay for people to say bad things about autism, but I can;t let myself get worked up every time someone disagrees with the way I see the world. There's simply too much good to be doing for me to do that. You know the saying "Some people look for fault like there is a prize for finding it"? That is how I am feeling about a lot of the things I'm seeing in the ASD community lately.  I have unliked pages and hidden quite a few. I won't argue. I will just simply redirect my attention.  This is what I need to do in order to maintain my own sense of wellness.

39 comments:

  1. I have written out several posts that I will not publish trying to deal with my overwhelming feelings of negativity right now. I have been in sobbing tears all morning from the bombardment of negative vibes, and words from all directions. My heart hurts.

    I completely relate to your post and I am thankful that you got many of the things I was feeling out for me here.

    I decided to focus on positive things this morning and wrote a post sharing that in hopes that it would bring some smiles to people who may need one as much as I do today.

    Thank you for writing this!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for responding. At least I know I'm not the only one. Not that I feel great about others feeling bad, but well you know what I mean! I was really worried that I was inviting an attack with this post, and really hesitated posting it, but I'm glad I did if it helped someone else!

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  2. Wow, thank you for blog. I am an aspie.

    For some reason, I am struggling with these emotions today as well. It feels like too much input.

    I have tried so long to find services for my adult-child with ASD and there is so little in my area. I am to attend a mtg tonight to hear proposed new programs for our region, yet I'm not expecting much. And the way I'm feeling now I may say things I shouldn't if, once again, services for young adults are left out.

    Add to that those who are claiming to link Autism to a recent news tragedy. And the coverage and speculation over and over. I think I just need a break from this and will spend some quiet time letting my brain slow down.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, it nice to not feel so damn alone! I know that I hyper-focus on negativity. It attaches to me like blood-sucking leeches, and does not want to let go. It seems so easy for other's negativity to rub off on me, and ridiculously hard for me to shed the feelings even long after they are gone.

      Did you ever have a friend, or family member who no-matter where they are, or what is going on, are always in a terrible mood, bitching and complaining about everything under the sun? I can be in the best of moods, or at least not in a horrible one, and if they show up it seems I immediately absorb their negativity. I remain aggravated and angry long after they have gone home, and usually find myself wishing they would just stop visiting. I can't handle the extra emotional baggage. I find it so difficult to separate myself; I do not know if this is an autistic thing or not, and I know that everyone feels this to some degree. But, I wonder if the intensity and longevity of the lingering negative feels have something to do with my AS.
      Incidentally, the same thing happens with anger. Angry people make me extremely angry, and the anger takes a very long time to dissipate. It would be nice to find a bunch of happy perky people and see if being around them would make me happy and perky—probably not.
      Maybe we need to all try to say one positive thing today, to ourselves, and to others. Saying something positive to or about myself is not one of my strengths but I will give it a try…here goes.
      “I am smart, so today I am going to focus on finding solutions instead of dwelling on the problems.”
      Easy said than done, but it sounded good!
      ~Aspie Writer
      www.aspiewriter.blogspot.com

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    2. @Me,
      Sometimes, I think it's even more difficult when we are not only highly sensitive to negative vibes, but during times when we're dealing with issues that are really real, with far reaching consequences and others seem stuck on focusing all of their energy on petitioning about how a celeb said something they didn't like about autism. I hope your meeting went well and that you got a nice surprise in that there are some new services for your adult child.

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    3. Aspie Writer,
      I do get moody when others are moody. Toxic people get me going and I have to be careful to not spend too much time around them, too. I also don't notice positive energy to effect me as much as negative does. I can get inspired by others, but it's just not as strong of an effect as the bad mood vibes are.

      I think positive affirmations are a great way to feel better. I tell myself lots of them a day. I have a tendency to be negative and pessimistic (I prefer to call it realistic lol)so I find it good to question my perception of things and find the positive as much as I can.

      Delete
  3. I left the LGBT movement for much the same reason, and feel incredibly different from most young autistic individuals, because I, too, find that it seems as if there is a contest to write the newest essay condemning something or someone. I'm not a tool in this "movement". I'm a person. Nearly every blog I read from autistic people around my age is a political action piece, something about negativity. I also find that the whole "parents vs. autistics" is just so ridiculous - people LOOK for reasons to jump down each other's throats and then just continue to do so, no excuse needed. This is one of the reasons I rarely post things like this to my blog. I don't feel the need to scathe against Autism Speaks or Washington DC, or "the universal oppressor". I'm just living my life, and that's enough for me.

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    1. "I'm not a tool in this movement I'm a person"
      I think that sums it up beautifully.
      My kids happen in the context of my life. Autism happens in the context of my kids. When you feel passionately about something you risk narrowing the field too much. You can isolate yourself and others. Just keep telling your stories as you experience them. No one experiences being autistic or gay in a culturally void, politically correct context. If you want change then live it and people will notice. Not to say that a soap box is a useless thing... I love my soap box... but it has serious pitfalls and limitations. ox

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    2. E,
      I agree with Hannah.Your phrase sums it up well.

      I also have noticed that people seems to look for reason to jump down people's throats. When I first entered the ASD community 6 yrs ago there were many front runners in the rights movement. A lot has changed these last six years. These people were necessary to get the ball rolling and their claims of injustice were legit. They were railing against people misrepresenting autism, because there really wasn't any other perception out there to be known. The world is much more aware of what autism is and there's a plethora of resources to be found about it now. The views of disability rights in the public's eye has changed so dramatically in the last 10 yrs that we no longer need to meet every misrepresentation with such vigor and outrage. I think the same has come with black rights, and gay rights. Those two groups are still discriminated against to be sure, but it is much less socially acceptable anymore to do so. I am a little older than you, so I do have recollections of growing up in a world that was very unforgiving to those that are different. I've been locked up in mental hospitals and have been treated as if I were subhuman due to my ASD features. So, it's not that I don't understand why disability rights are so important. It's more like I know what real oppression is and what is glammed up gossip masquerading as something to be outraged at.

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  4. I agree with you and I empathise, I truly do.

    I also soak up negativity. I find it hard at times to distance myself from it. Toxic work environments, bad relationships ... they are all destructive to me in a very literal sense.

    I am only reading and responding now as I see fit.

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    Replies
    1. Same here. I am taking control of what I let in and trying to be proactive in my exposure to too much toxicity.

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  5. I am finding it hard to process what the media is putting out there. The negativity is just so great. It seems now if you want to " trend" you put out something negatives. As people can scream retract the statement, the person who said it retracts it after they got their attention. In the mean time real people are left hurt. We are often fighting for people to not assume or just make stuff up about ASD. Not to put us all in one basket. I know I want to be seen for my self. Why wouldn't my kids. My heart is full! I wish the news would say things like Child who happens to have autism said words today. Played tag and made jokes with kids. Or adult did some awesome job today at work. That sort of thing. What I hear is bad attitudes, negitvity sells I guess. It's not headline news when my son reads a book or masters a level on his video game. I guess we all won't trend on tweeter. With a "I love you!"
    statement. I feel like my Emotions About my kids are being used against me to get someone else famous. I don't think people understand who they hurt sometimes. Thanks for writing a great blog with a positive spin on Autism. It's nice to find some media out there with positve things to say. Where it's not about trending or getting famous. But about sharing real life and positve thoughts. We need to make the voice that screams the loudest be a positive one.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading and commenting. It helps me to know how my blog is being taken when I get feedback. Otherwise, I don't know. I wish positive things would trend, too. I love to share the positive stories on my blog and on my FB page. I always invite others to share their little moments of joy. I think we need to celebrate those things, too and in doing so we are showing the world that autism can be okay. We can choose how we represent autism to the world with our words and our actions.

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  6. Tonight, for you, I will send out happiness. Be watching on twitter. I promise. :)

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  7. It is the ego. Or, so I have come to understand.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That others get so negative? Maybe. I truly think some really do find this sort of he said she said drama entertaining!

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    ReplyDelete
  9. I really appreciate your honesty! I feel the same way when I read too much negativity. What I do is just avoid those pages! And when I'm having a hard time just dealing with my own daily stuff, I don't watch the news for a few days. I only listen to the radio news, which is a lot shorter. I can't read or watch everyting without feeling down afterwards, so I feel like I have to protect myself.
    I also feel like people who attack others a lot really act like victims in stead of a stronger person who tries to do the good thing. I just saw this on FB: "rudeness is the weak person's way of act as a stronger person".

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    1. Yes, I have stopped listening to news almost at all. I will read news, but I can really pick out what I want to read to much more selectively that way.

      I also agree with your idea of people acting like a victim for every little thing. I can't get knocked down with every little insult from others. I need to be able to weed through the small ones so that I can have strength to deal with the big ones, otherwise all of my energy will be spent by the time a real threat to my well being comes along.

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  10. Well said. It's easy to get caught up in too much drama & not enough positive action.

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  11. I'm very much like you, I think, I get very caught up in negative thoughts, my problem is that I want to 'fix' everything and I do get up-set by reading stuff where people seem to be fighting each other and competing instead of promoting the positives and then I want to know what I can do about it. I have accepted that I am not going to change the world and make people be nice to each other, but I can't stop thinking about it and it does get to me. I just wish I knew how to accept that I do my little bit and then focus on living my life and playing with my children. I don't know what the answer is :(

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    1. Oh, I'm a big 'fixer' too! Inside, I'm a big ol'hippie who just wants to promote peace and well being for all. I can't quite wrap my head around too much discord. I don't really know what the answer is, either. I just try to do the same as you and focus on what I can control.

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  12. Oh, my! Earlier this week I was so down. This is a good post to read.

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  13. Ariane,
    I have tried to reach you via Twitter, but here is an idea to help dispel some of that negativity. Report on this new IASO information. IASO leads to many positives:
    * Confirmation that violence and aggression are not a part of autism.
    * The chance for many patients to cease taking psychotropic drugs.
    * Elimination of meltdowns makes progress in other areas such as an IEP more attainable.

    www.HopefortheViolentlyAggressiveChild.com

    Ralph Ankenman, MD

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    1. My apologies; I just realized this blog post to which I am responding is not from 'Ariane', rather that wasa reporter who retweeted the blog link.

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  14. Great blog. I feel the same as you do and totally understand how you feel. I also tend to find the TV news a source of great negativity. I don't watch much of it at all. Sometimes it's great to switch off from everybody and watch a good comedy. I hope you find some positivity soon.

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    1. Thank you. I have found some positivity. I have been ignoring or avoiding all the drama and focusing on other things that I know are more important.

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  15. I have been tired of PC speak for a long time. I have enough drama in my life as it is with my own autism issues regarding my daughter to get caught up in all of the name calling, poop slinging BS that happens within the media. I totally agree with you. In regards to a lot of this, my give a fu** is broken and I can't handle it anymore. Thank you for putting things so nicely into words.

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    1. Thank you for reading and commenting. I get what you mean. We have so much stress in our lives. Why get so worked up over every little transgression? We have bigger things to worry about everyday.

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  16. Thanks for writing this post. I can really relate to feeling all of the negative vibes in our community, and having to step back and disengage.

    On the other hand, I'm conflicted because I also see a genuine need for certain types of activism. I feel like I can't disengage fully because... if I want a different & better world for my kids, I need to support social change. Which is difficult and messy. I may not agree with everything the prominent bloggers/activists say or do, but I'm glad they're out there, pointing out the little stuff, getting people to stop and think about their own inherent -isms. You know what I mean?

    Perhaps...perhaps the problem isn't so much the message, but the saturation of it? Perhaps all of these Autism-related feeds are like medication: they have their place, they serve a genuine purpose, they help; but if you OD on them, you'll die.

    I do agree we need more positives, and we need to respect each other as human beings instead of a faceless 'enemy'. Maybe the online world is partly to blame. We tend to forget that behind every computer screen is a real person with a real life and real struggles we know nothing about.

    Sorry...I am rambling here. Thanks again for a very thought-provoking post!

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    1. I get caught up on thinking about when we ought be be speaking up, or when we need to just let people that disagree be. I guess there needs to be some equilibrium somewhere between correcting every little thing that rubs us the wrong way and doing nothing passively.

      I also think you're correct. While people are busy fighting ideas and correcting what they see is injustices they forget that they're talking to other people that are receiving their messages on the other side of their screen. People are messy and have to do what they can with what they know and what they have.

      Thanks for your comment!

      Delete
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