Friday, November 11, 2011

Unspoken

This post isn't going to be one of those inspirational post where I give out some useful info on this or that, or have tips, or a funny story about Bubby to share.  I'm not sure why I am writing this, or where I'm going with it...  Maybe, it might be informative to some, I don't know...

The other day I really needed a friend to talk to. I was in one of those states where another POV, or some encouraging words would have been just what I needed.  I never ask for this and maybe I wasn't clear when I posted about it on FB how desperate I was or how bad I felt.  People with ASD usually don't.  I usually can't find the words, or don't know how, or even more so, it literally never occurs to me to ask for help, or to share my feelings. 

In any event, only three people out of almost 100 responded.  Even when I have taken out time in my day to always talk with, console and help others.  Ask around, you'll know that I've never ignored a e-mail, or private message, even if it was from someone who seemed crazy or no one else would give the time of day.  I always make time for others when in need.  Considering this, it was especially hurtful that when I needed a little encouragement I was mostly ignored.  I see other posts frequently about similar things posted by others and they get a lot of response.

I'm not one to talk about personal things on FB.  One of my pet peeves are the people that use their status update to unload dirt on their significant other.  My husband and I never ever speak ill of one another to anyone, much less on a social networking site.  I don't talk about things like that, but it doesn't mean that all is well.  If anyone would have thought to ask I'd have told them that I'm on the brink of divorce with my husband, I'm filing for bankruptcy, and trying to get my home out of foreclosure.  The doctor that was supposed to turn in Bean's psych eval to update his MRDD services didn't (that was several months ago), so we're in danger of losing that.  Just found out that 2 days ago.  Now he wants another appt.  Don't ask me why.  How much of an evaluation can you give a nonverbal (almost) 9 yr old that functions about at the level of a 12 mo. old? If I were to lose those services the autism waiver, with the ABA and his place on the wait list for community services would all go away.   The only social thing that my husband and I do happens once a month and I was completely unable to get a sitter for that last night. We so needed that time away.  I have issues coming at me from all different directions.

So, my goal for this next month is to make time for genuine friends, and discard the rest.  I am also making finding a reliable sitter a goal, as well.  I guess it's up to me to make the best out of what I have, so that's what I am doing.